By Shaykh Ismail Kamdar
There is a clear distinction between men and women in Islam. Allah says in the Quran, “The male is not like the female.” (Ali ‘Imran 3:36) And the Prophet SAW said, “Allah curses the male who imitates the female, and the female who imitates the male.” (Tirmidhi 2784)
Spiritually, men and women are rewarded or punished equally for their deeds and have equal access to gaining entry into Paradise. In their worldly role, however, there are clear differences.
The differences between genders in Islam operates on many levels; but it applies especially to their roles in the home. The role of a husband is different from the role of a wife, likewise fathers play different roles from mothers. To thrive in their unique roles, males need to be models of masculinity, and women need to be models of femininity. We have discussed masculine qualities many times before, and many others have done so too.
There are many qualities that Muslim women should embody. Here are five that are crucial and most important.
1. A Loving Nature
A Muslim woman must be loving and compassionate. The Prophet SAW encouraged men to marry women who are loving and fertile. He said, “Marry the loving and fertile. Verily, I will have most followers among the prophets on the Day of Resurrection.” (Musnad Ahmad 12202)
This is because the primary purpose of marriage is to produce children, and the primary role of women is to raise children.
To excel as a mother, she needs to have a loving heart. When a woman has a loving heart, she can give the best of herself to her family. She will be a loving wife which motivates her husband to work hard and provide her with the best life possible. She will also be a loving mother which allows her children to grow up feeling loved. This helps grow faster, achieve more, and have more confidence. A home is built on a women’s loving heart, family success lies in women being loving and compassionate.
The Messenger of Allah SAW said, “Allah created one hundred units of mercy on the Day He created the heavens and the earth. Each one of them can contain all that is between the heaven and the earth. Of them, he put one on earth, through which a mother has compassion for her children and animals and birds have compassion for one another. On the Day of Resurrection, He will perfect and complete His Mercy.” (Riyad as-Salihin 420)
2. Emotional Intelligence
Allah SWT has blessed women with natural emotional intelligence, that is stronger than the emotional intelligence of most men. This allows women to notice when something is wrong, or someone is sad. Women should work on nurturing this natural skill so they can utilize it in the best manner possible. Emotional Intelligence helps women thrive in many roles, this includes supporting her husband, raising her children, and mentoring other women in the community.
Anas ibn Malik said, “A woman came to Aisha and Aisha gave her three dates. She gave each of her two children a date and kept one date for herself. The children ate the two dates and then looked at their mother. She took her date and split it into two and gave each child a half of it. The Prophet SAW came and Aisha told him about it. He said, ‘Are you surprised at that? Allah will show her mercy because of her mercy towards her child.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 89)
3. Modesty
The Prophet SAW said, “Modesty only produces goodness.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6117)
The Prophet SAW said, “Modesty is part of faith.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 602)
The Prophet SAW said, “Verily, every religion has a defining quality, and the quality of Islam is modesty.” (Ibn Majah 4182)
Modesty is the core characteristic of our faith. Men and women alike are strongly encouraged to live lives of modesty and morality. The emphasis of modesty is stronger for women due to the powerful effects of their beauty and charm on weak-willed men. Women should be aware of the power their beauty has, and because of this they should be extra cautious about their modesty, especially around non-mahram men. A Muslim woman must strive to dress in the most modest manner possible and conceal her beauty and charm from strange men. She should preserve her beauty for her home and her husband only. Modesty is crucial for preserving her femininity.
4. Beauty
The Prophet SAW said, “Allah is Beautiful and loves Beauty.” (Riyad as-Salihin 611)
Beauty and beautification are not frowned upon in Islam. But they must be contained by modesty. To balance this, a woman must preserve modesty in front of non-mahrams, but at home when there are no strange men around, she is free to be beautiful and to beauty her surroundings. Allah has blessed women with an eye for beauty. Not only are women beautiful by nature, but they excel at beautifying their houses turning them into homes. A righteous woman preserves her beauty within the home.
Her home is a beautiful environment in which her husband and children find joy and relaxation. A woman’s beauty is her most powerful tool, so she must use it wisely in an Islamic manner to improve her home, not to cause temptation to others. The Prophet SAW said, “The world is enjoyment and the best enjoyment in the world is a righteous wife.” (Sahih Muslim 1467)
5. Supportiveness
Finally, a Muslim woman must be supportive and encouraging. She should be her husband’s primary cheerleader, encouraging him to be his best and excel at his work. She should be supportive to her children in their growth and education, pushing them to be their best. Women are skilled with words. They can use their speech to harm people with harsh and wicked speech, or they can use it to benefit others by motivating and her encouraging her family to be their best.
The Prophet SAW was once asked, “what type of wife is best?” He SAW said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.” (Musnad Ahmad (2:251)
Conclusion
These are just some of the most important qualities of a Muslim woman, which help her to preserve her femininity and excel as a mother and wife. Of course, a Muslim woman must be righteous, knowledgeable about the religion, and able to do Da’wah and educate her children. These qualities however are not specific to femininity and are for men and women equally.
We need more discussions, more writings, and more education on Islamic femininity. Every Muslim woman needs to learn these basics and build upon them. The good news is that feminine traits are innate and already exist in every young girl. Her challenge in life is simply to preserve her beauty, modesty, loving nature, and emotional intelligence. Men need to learn masculinity and grow up from boys to men. Women simply need to preserve what is natural to them and let it flourish. We hope that this article sparks a revival of true Islamic femininity grounded that is grounded in the Quran and Sunnah.
About the Author: Shaykh Ismail Kamdar is an expert in Fiqh, Tafsir, History, Personal Development, and Education.
Source: Izzah Academy
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