By Shaykh Ismail Kamdar for Izzah Academy
Muslims often experience culture shock when they visit a different community for the first time to discover that their understanding of ikhtilat (free mixing) is not universal. The level of interaction between genders differs from culture to culture, and what is considered socially acceptable in Malaysia or Türkiye would be considered unacceptable in Saudi Arabia or Qatar.
Arguments around this topic tend to be heated, causing disunity between Muslims in different parts of the world. These differences are even bigger when you compare Muslim minorities in the West (who have adopted much looser understandings of this topic) to conservative Muslim countries.
The topic of ikhtilat is a matter of difference of opinion, and not easily resolved. There are three angles from which this needs to be discussed, legality (fiqh), culture (urf), and piety (taqwa). I believe it is only through an orthodox understanding from these three angles that we will be able to understand each other and figure out the best way forward as an ummah.
Let’s Begin with the Fiqh Angle
Free Mixing As A Legal Matter
The concept of Ikhtilat is rarely addressed by these exact words in the books of Fiqh. A lot of it is left up to cultural consideration and appeals to piety. However, some aspects of this are clear and agreed upon including the following. It is important to note that Ikhtilat refers to mixing with non-mahrams, and no such restrictions apply in one’s interactions with one’s close family (mahrams).
Note: A non-mahram is someone who you can legally marry, which refers to most members of the opposite gender besides those whom you are related to via family, marriage, or suckling.
Prohibition of Khalwa
Khalwa is defined as being alone with a member of the opposite gender behind closed doors. There are many hadith narrations that clearly prohibit being alone with a non-mahram. This is a matter of consensus between the madhabs. The goal of this law is to both prevent slander and temptation. If a man and woman are never alone in private, nobody can accuse them of sin, nor will they be tempted to the major sins.
This hadith serves as the primary evidence for this prohibition.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “No man should ever be alone with a woman except when she has a mahram (non-marriageable male relative) with her.”
(Muslim 978)
Prohibition of Touching
Muslims are prohibited from touching non-mahrams without necessity. Necessity could be medical necessity like the need for a doctor to check an injury or saving a life in the case of a man carrying a woman out of a burning building. If there is no necessity, the prohibition stands. This is to prevent any temptation or ill-thoughts towards others. Regarding shaking hands, it falls under this prohibition, even though a small minority of scholars allow it and categorize it as disliked.
Prohibition of Crowding
To avoid unnecessary touching, crowding together with non-mahrams is also prohibited. There are times when it is unavoidable like during Hajj or when escaping a calamity, but in general men and women should maintain a distance from each other to avoid unnecessary touching. In the Prophetic era, women would attend the masjid, but they would pray in the back, had a separate entrance, and would leave first. This was to prevent unnecessary crowding and touching.
Umm Salamah said that after Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said “as-Salamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullah’ twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and leave. He would stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said that he thought that the staying of the Prophet ﷺ was in order for the women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart.”
(Bukhari 793)
Ibn Umar said that Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said, “We should leave this door (of the mosque) for women.” Nafi said, “Ibn Umar never again entered through that door until he died.” (Abu Dawud 484)
Recommendations to Avoid Soft Ones and To Stay at Home for Women
In Surah al-Ahzab, Allah commands the Prophet’s wives to not speak in soft tones. This means to avoid using a tone of voice that men find enchanting. A common misconception is that verses 32-33 of Surah al-Ahzab apply only to the Prophet’s wives. The correct understanding is that the laws in these verses were obligations for his wives, and strong recommendations for other women.
“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women, if you observe piety. So do not speak too softly, lest the sick at heart lusts after you, but speak in an appropriate manner. And stay in your homes; and do not display yourselves, as in the former days of ignorance. And perform the prayer, and give regular charity, and obey God and His Messenger. God desires to remove all impurity from you, O People of the Household, and to purify you thoroughly.”
(Surah al-Ahzab 33:32-33)
The command to not speak softly but to speak appropriately means that women should be carefully regarding their tone of voice when dealing with men. A woman should be professional and formal when talking to men out of necessity. She should only use a soft and sweet tone of voice when there are no non-mahrams around. This is to prevent temptation from all sides.
The command to stay in the homes means that a woman’s primary duties lie in the home. She should spend most of her time at home taking care of home, raising the children, and beautifying the home. She should only leave home for necessities which include praying in the masjid, working (if necessary), education (if necessary), and to purchase necessities for her home. It is disliked for women to be out without a necessity because this opens the doors of temptation as per the following hadith.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “The woman is Awrah, so when she goes out, the Shaitan seeks to tempt her.” (Tirmidhi 1173, Grade: Hasan)
Note: Awrah literally means private parts, but in Islam it refers to that which is obligatory to cover in front of non-mahrams. For men, it is from the navel to the knees. For women, it is everything except their face and hands. However, many scholars consider covering the face to be obligatory, while others say it is strongly encouraged.
Lowering The Gaze & Covering the Awrah
Both men and women are commanded to lower their gaze and cover their awrah (private area) in the Quran. However, the command for lowering the gaze is stronger for men, while the command to cover up is stronger for women. Men only need to cover from their navels to their needs, although modesty and dignity dictate that they cover their upper bodies too. Women have to cover everything except their face and hands, although many scholars say that covering the face is also an obligation. Those who say it is not an obligation still strongly encourage it. The reason why men are told to protect their eyes more is because men are visually stimulated and more likely to fall into temptation from looking at anything that arouses them. Women are obligated to cover more because they are naturally more beautiful than men and need to protect themselves from the male gaze.
There two commands work together, and the bulk of cultural practices revolve around assisting men and women in lowering their gazes and protecting their honour. It should be noted that the forbidden gaze refers to looking with lustful desire. If a man needs to look at a woman to identify her, do business with her, or educate her, then this is permissible as long as they keep it professional and modest. It is a duty on every Muslim, man and woman, to ensure their awrah is covered in front of non-mahrams, and that they do not look lustfully at others.
“Tell the believing men to restrain their looks, and to guard their privates. That is purer for them. God is cognizant of what they do.”
(Surah al-Nur 24:30)
“And tell the believing women to restrain their looks, and to guard their privates, and not display their beauty except what is apparent thereof, and to draw their coverings over their breasts, and not expose their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, what their right hands possess, their male attendants who have no sexual desires, or children who are not yet aware of the nakedness of women. And they should not strike their feet to draw attention to their hidden beauty. And repent to God, all of you believers, so that you may succeed.”
(Surah al-Nur 24:31)
The Role of Culture
The above seven points are clear in our Shariah and based on clear evidence from the Quran and Sunnah. Beyond that, a lot is left up to cultural diversity. Over the centuries, Muslim cultures developed around Islamic principles. These included the principles of modesty, closing doors of temptation, and upholding honour and dignity. These principles are based on clear verses of the Quran and hadiths like the following:
“Tell the believing men to restrain their looks, and to guard their privates. That is purer for them. God is cognizant of what they do.”
(Surah al-Nur 24:30)
The Prophet ﷺ said, “Verily, every religion has a character, and the character of Islam is modesty.”
(Ibn Majah 4182)
Based on the above hadiths, entire cultures developed around modesty, lowering the gaze, and keeping men and women separate as much as possible. Each culture has their own way of doing this. In some countries, separate walkways are developed for women as well as women-only restaurants. Single-gender schools are common in Muslim lands. Lowering the gaze is an established part of many Muslim cultures. Businesses are generally run by men, while women handle the private aspects of life. Many cultures have designed their homes such that women have a lot of space to walk around without covering, some even have enclosed gardens so women can be outdoors without covering away from the gaze of men.
All the above cultural practices are good and acceptable in Islam. The problem lies in two extremes. Some cultures went to extremes in making life unnaturally difficult for women causing rebellion and resentment. The opposite extreme are Muslim minorities in the West who have adapted Western cultural standards in which men and women intermingle regularly, women are dressed yet beautified, soft voices are used when speaking to the opposite gender, and men and women meet for coffee despite not being related to each other. It is these cultural practices that are problematic and open the doors to zina culture.
Note: Zina refers to fornication, adultery, and any prohibited form of sexual activity.
Do Not Approach Zina
“And do not come near adultery. It is immoral, and an evil way.”
(Surah al-Isra 17:32)
Muslims living in the West may argue that there is no clear prohibitions on what they do. They claim it is a grey area in which there is room for interpretation and that their culture is just different from other cultures. In doing so, they overlook a very important point. Islamic cultures developed to prevent zina, while Western culture developed to facilitate zina. Therefore, adapting these aspects of Western culture will open the doors to zina, even if people living there may not realize it.
Muslim culture must evolve out of Islamic character and principles. Our cultures cannot be based on foreign ideologies, especially ideologies rooted in immorality. The results of a new Muslim culture in which mixing is normal, hijab is beautified, and men and women mingle freely, will be dangerous to the souls of anyone living in such a culture. Cultures must be built around the principles of lowering the gaze, observing modesty, and closing the doors to zina. This makes a lot of what is practised in the West today unacceptable, even if it is not clearly prohibited. Particularly, people of knowledge should lead by example and built a culture of modesty and morality for the rest of society to follow.
Appeal to Taqwa, over Fatwa
Usamah ibn Zayd reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “I have not left a trial after me more harmful to men than women.”
(Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5096, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2740)
There are aspects of gender-mixing that are open to interpretation, and there are issues that are clear. At the end of the day, this area must be guided by piety, not legal verdicts. It is very difficult to enforce legal verdicts on minorities in the West, especially on a subject in which they can easily find alternative opinions. Therefore, we appeal to the god-consciousness of Muslims instead, do what is necessary to protect yourself and your family from immorality.
This means establishing a truly Islamic culture in Islamic Institutes and organizations. A truly Islamic culture will minimize interactions between genders, limiting it to that which is necessary. When necessary, these interactions should be done with modesty and professionalism. Venues and events should be organized in a way that facilitates lowering the gaze, keeping especially young men and women away from each other to avoid distractions. Taqwa should guide our cultures, especially when fatwas are not enough. It is a duty on Muslim leaders to build cultures of modesty and dignity.
We conclude with a warning from a great scholar. Ibn al-Qayyim (RA) said, “There is no doubt that enabling women to intermingle with men is the basis for every affliction and evil, and it is one of the greatest causes for general punishments to be sent down. Also, it is one of the causes of destruction, both public and individual. Men’s intermixing with women is one of the causes of rampant sin and unlawful sex, which in turn leads to mass mortality and continuous epidemics.”
(Al-Turuq al-Hukmiyah, p. 407-408)
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