By Shaykh Ismail Kamdar
We live in a strange time in which many people talk about masculinity but very few people can describe what it really is or serve as role models of it. The goalposts of being a “real man” seem to shift with every new popular movement or speaker, as each group defines manliness in novel ways that highlight themselves as the real man, and all others as failures.
In a confused world, I will attempt to present a simple definition of masculinity that transcends cultural boundaries, which I believe most men can agree upon.
Manliness is Perseverance
The thing that separates boys from men is TRIALS. Every young man, and old man, will face several trials in their life. It is the response to one’s trials that defines how manly he truly is. This defining factor can be found in every culture around the world.
Men who give up, take shortcuts, cheat, or take the easy way out are seen as weak, foolish, immature, and unmanly. Men who rise up, overcome the odds, and persist until the very end, are seen as real men.
In a world defined by trials and hardships, manliness means the continuous pursuit of one’s purpose through every possible trial. Make no mistake about it, as a man, you will have trials at every stage of your journey regardless of what your vision is. There are no shortcuts to success, no easy way to the top, no manliness cheat codes.
Manliness is endurance, manliness is patience, manliness is perseverance, manliness is having a “never give up” attitude in the face of insurmountable odds. Real men cannot be defeated because they do not quit until their last breath.
The history of Islam is built on the backs of such men. The prophets, the companions, the scholars, the saints, and the martyrs all represent great men who never gave up, despite every trial that was thrown at them. Men who preserved on a path that is pleasing to the Creator through torture, imprisonment, and even giving up their lives for the sake of Allah. Men who risked it all for a greater cause. These men are our role models, the real men, the chosen men.
Every young man needs to accept the reality that life in this world is not easy. Life is inevitable. You cannot hide from the trials of life behind your video games and devices. They will reach you wherever you are. Hiding is for cowards.
Real men prepare for the trials of life. They embrace responsibility, they rise to the challenge, and they face their greatest fears head-on. Real men know that they are forged by trials, so they accept the trials in their lives as opportunities for growth. A chance to level up to the next level of masculinity.
Whatever path you pursue in life, there will be roadblocks and obstacles to success. Giving up is for losers. Real men stay focused on their goals and push through every trial until they die or win.
Obstacles to Success
When parents try to shield their young boys from the trials of life, they do them no favours. Boys require hardship to evolve and grow. Without trials, a boy may remain a child for life, dependent on his parents, afraid of the world, irresponsible and unreliable. To raise real men, let your boys grow up, let them face the challenges of life on their own, let them feel pain and grow through their pain. They need it. By sheltering them, you are depriving them of something that can make them better versions of themselves. You are hindering their growth.
Every man must learn the tools of survival, so he is ready to face the world and achieve his goals. Men must learn to stand alone and face difficult challenges on their own. They must find the courage to hold firm to their beliefs even when the whole world disagrees with them.
Men must have the confidence to pursue their goals with utmost determination and willpower, despite every trial the world throws at them. Every man should have a purpose, a way to build a life that is meaningful, pleasing to the Creator, and beneficial to humanity. That purpose should push him to become the best version of himself.
Manliness is NOT
Manliness is not defined by muscles, perfectly toned bodies, fancy cars, or expensive clothes. Manliness is not unchecked aggression, arrogance, harshness, or crassness. True manliness is not defined by the achievement of worldly success, abundance of wealth, or celebrity status.
“Do not let yourselves be impressed by the roar of a man. Rather if he fulfils the trust and restrains himself from harming the honour of people, he will truly be a man.” (Umar Ibn al-Khattab, al-Zuhd wal-Raqā’iq 681)
Real Men are Beloved to the Creator
There are many real men who are poor and unknown, for reasons beyond their control, yet they remain committed to their purpose, they do their best to provide for and protect their families, and they are dedicated to their Lord. Many great men have died in pursuit of noble causes.
Their deaths, before achieving their goals, cement their place among the highest levels of manly man. In a way, they have reached a level of true manliness that even those who achieve worldly success can never reach, martyrdom and acceptance from their Lord.
“Of the believers are men who are true to what they pledged to God. Some of them have fulfilled their vows; and some are still waiting, and never wavering. That God may reward the truthful for their truthfulness; and punish the hypocrites, if He wills, or pardon them. God is Forgiving and Merciful.”
(Al-Ahzab 33:23-24)
Do not be fooled by the glitter and glamour of this world. Real men commit their lives to higher causes that are pleasing to the Creator. Their commitment is to truth and justice, and they remain committed regardless of whether they achieve worldly success or not. Real masculinity is not about dominating others, but giving everything that you have to achieve noble goals.
We ask Allah for the strength, determination, and ability to achieve goals that are pleasing to Him.
Learn more with the 40 Hadith on Masculinity, available here.
About the Author: Shaykh Ismail Kamdar is an expert in Fiqh, Tafsir, History, Personal Development, and Education.
Source: Izzah Academy
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