By: Mymuslimin.com
Sometimes it is baffling to witness couples who remain together despite years of constant conflict, emotional coldness, and an absence of harmony. The question arises: Why stay in a relationship that is clearly draining, painful, and devoid of love?
Many such couples may be trapped in a toxic relationship, yet either cannot or will not seek a way out—choosing instead to endure suffering, often in silence.
The following are 6 signs of a toxic relationship, based on insights by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller in “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment”, with added Islamic perspectives to guide us in navigating such emotional challenges.
1. The “Can’t Leave” Syndrome
Also known in extreme cases as Stockholm Syndrome, one may feel emotionally bound to a partner even when physically or mentally abused. Even though logic urges departure, the heart refuses to let go, often out of pity, fear, or distorted love.
Islam encourages compassion, but never at the expense of justice or dignity. Allah says in the Qur’an:
“And do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness.”
(Surah Al-Ma’idah 5:8)
If one is suffering abuse, whether physical or psychological, Islam gives full right to seek protection, separation, or help.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.”
(Hadith, Ibn Majah)
2. The Emotional Roller-Coaster
In such relationships, peace (sakinah) is absent, replaced by emotional highs and lows, driven by fear of abandonment and suffocating control. Islam teaches that marriage is meant to bring calm, not chaos.
“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquillity in them. And He placed between you affection and mercy…”
(Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
If a relationship brings more pain than peace, it may be time to reassess what love really means in the light of Islam.
3. Emotional Power Struggles
Some avoid closeness to feel powerful, while others seek it to feel safe. This creates a cycle of pain and imbalance. Islam places both emotional and spiritual equality in a relationship:
“The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women.”
(Hadith, Tirmidhi)
Marriage is not a battlefield for dominance—it is a sacred partnership built on mutual respect and understanding.
4. A Stable Relationship with Hidden Turmoil
Some couples outwardly seem stable, yet they suffer inwardly from dissatisfaction due to unspoken needs. Islam values open and honest communication in a relationship:
The Prophet ﷺ often communicated tenderly with his wives, listening, advising, and giving space for emotional expression. As Aisha (RA) once said:
“The Prophet would converse with us, laugh with us, and listen to our thoughts.”
(Bukhari)
Talk openly. Address unmet needs. Don’t bury resentment in the name of patience.
5. Petty Arguments and Displaced Conflict
Endless arguments over small matters often reflect a lack of genuine connection, not the issues themselves. Islam teaches us to guard our tongues and hearts against unnecessary conflict.
“The strong is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.”
(Hadith, Bukhari & Muslim)
Seek peace. Reconnect emotionally instead of using trivial matters as battlegrounds.
6. Your Partner Feels Like the Enemy
In toxic relationships, a once-beloved spouse can begin to feel like the enemy. When efforts to build intimacy are constantly rejected, pain turns to resentment. This is a dangerous shift.
“They (your wives) are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:187)
This verse beautifully reflects the mutual protection, comfort, and closeness that a marriage should offer. If the relationship feels like war, not warmth, something is spiritually misaligned.
Islamic Guidance for the Toxicly Attached
For the anxious partner: Strengthen your heart with Tawakkul (trust in Allah). Let your security come from Him first, not a person. Seek help, healing, and build self-worth through faith.
“Indeed, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.”
(Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:28)
For the avoidant partner: Learn to open your heart. Allow someone to love you. Don’t fear intimacy—true strength lies in vulnerability and cooperation.
“Cooperate with one another in goodness and righteousness…”
(Surah Al-Ma’idah 5:2)
Final Reflection
When two people with clashing emotional patterns hurt one another repeatedly without repair, the relationship turns toxic. Islam allows for separation in cases of irreconcilable harm, not as failure, but as mercy.
“But if they separate, Allah will enrich both of them from His abundance…”
(Surah An-Nisa 4:130)
May every struggling couple be guided to healing—through change, through communication, or through a dignified parting. And may all hearts find the tranquillity (sakinah) that Allah has promised, whether within a relationship or within oneself.
Wallahu’alam.
mymuslimin.com 
Leave a comment