Teen Depression, Empathic Parenting And Islam

On my first day of class, at the start of the new academic semester in October 2022, I asked my young undergraduate students, aged between 19 and 21, whether they had ever experienced depression. I asked that question in a tongue-in-cheek manner, not expecting my students to say yes. But their answers shocked the very core of my being—I did not expect to get those kinds of answers. It was an astounding yes! Yes, they said.

Sometimes, they would feel depressed. Some even said that at times, they felt empty and without a direction. I was taken aback— “Why on earth would you feel depressed? At this young age? You practically have nothing to worry about!” Those were my reactions. “Many reasons, Madam,” one of them explained. “Family, studies, money….” And the list goes on. My heart just went out to those students that very first day.

And that day too, I went home and hugged my two kids. I wonder, were they ever depressed and unhappy in our house? Sometimes, we adults forget what it feels like to be a teenager—to be a young person trying to find his or her way in the tough world of adulthood. We act like we never went through this stage in our lives before!

When the truth is—we all went through the ups and downs and the trials and tribulations of adolescence. Teenagers do experience depression, and I cannot emphasize this enough. They actually DO!

According to the World Health Organization (WHO, 2021), one in every seven teens between the ages of 10 and 19 experiences some form of a mental disorder that leads to an illness or disability among this group of young individuals. Sadly and quite shockingly, teen depression is one of the leading causes of illness and disability among adolescents, while suicide is the fourth leading cause of death among 15- to 29-year-olds.

The factors driving adolescents into this terrible state of emotional and psychological mess are varied. Some teenagers go through abuse (i.e., physical, emotional, and psychological) and come out scarred for life. Some struggle with their families’ financial troubles and must bear the brunt of it all. Many struggle to find their inner voice and identity. Some develop depression from failed social and love relationships and become suicidal. Some are simply abandoned—left alone to fend for themselves, while many are just lonely, longing for somebody to talk to.

The question is, how can we, as parents and adults, deal with the situation and help kids battle depression? Adolescence is a crucial formative period for kids, and exposures to life adversities may either make or break them, especially if they do not have a strong support system. It is very critical for parents and the adults around kids to be supportive and empathic towards their achievements—and failures as well. If they fail, we need to be able to accept the failure—we need to hug them and tell them that it is completely okay to screw up sometimes.

The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) encouraged Muslims to be kind and loving to their children and to raise kids in kindness and mercy. The Prophet (SAW) himself used to hug, kiss, touch and pat his own children and grandsons, Hassan (RA) and Hussin (RA). In this regard, Jameelah Ho writes, Allah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم showed his affection for [his children and grandchildren] in many ways. He hugged them and patted them on the back. He touched their heads, combed their hair with his fingers and kissed them. It was narrated in a hadith by Bukhari that: “…Allah’s Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم (took Ibrahim (his son) and kissed him and smelled him…” [Bukhari]

In another incident, A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that there came a few desert Arabs to Allah’s Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم (and said: Do you kiss your children? He (صلى الله عليه وسلم (said: Yes. Thereupon they said: By Allah but we do not kiss our children. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم said: Then what can I do if Allah has deprived you of mercy? … [Muslim]

Therefore, it is not unIslamic to show our children our love, empathy, and support towards them— towards their achievements and failures. Not having this loving support and kind words of empathy and assurance, in fact, can lead children and adolescents into a dark world of unhappiness. It may develop in them constant feelings of sadness, fear and anxiety that can easily metamorphose into an ugly depression.

Parents and adults need to treat children and adolescents as human beings in their own right, and not impose on them too lofty expectations that are beyond their reach and fake goals that do not have real values or importance in this life.

Apart from this, we also need to teach children and teenagers the realities of this life—that it is fleeting and full of tests—and that what Allah (SWT) promises in the hereafter is much more than what this world can ever offer. Perhaps, this is one of the better ways to fight and heal teen depression.

References

World Health Organization (2021). Adolescent mental health.
Ho, Jameelah. (2022). Sunnahs of expressing love to your child: children’s rights in Islam. Retrieved from Sunnahs of Expressing Love to Your Child | AYEINA